As he found that some rules cannot be ignored, he filled his mouth with words, but her ears with silence: 
"I know that love can be destructive, but then again: so are we."

i guess i've been trough enough this year to know that most things don't mean anything

what the hell is wrong with me? nobody wants to be around me anymore but jesus fucking christ neither do i

no es que no te crea es que las cosas han cambiado un poco

who could ask for anymore? who could have more?

You’re mine and I’m yours and I like you so much that I stop breathing on the nights you don’t come home. I’m on fire and you’re the water putting me out. And we fall asleep together now and you know all about that year in high school and I know how you got that scar and we kiss each other like if we don’t we’ll drown. and I’ll meet your parents and your mother will compliment my dress and then glance over to your father because she thinks it’s too short and you’ll kick me under the table and I’ll smile at you and your parents will roll their eyes when they think we aren’t looking and later that night you’ll slam the phone down because your mother called you crying and asking why you didn’t want to date that pretty girl from down the street who never tried to kill herself and you’ll kiss me before you fall asleep but not as hard as you usually do and I’ll pretend I can’t taste the hurt on either of us.

a month ago i was pleading for you to stay. but you didn't. if you did however i wouldn't have found out that things eventually get better. Somedays i miss you and all the good talks we had. I still love you too but i guess i just don't like you anymore. Happens. I'm sorry.

A veces pasa algo que cambia las cosas en tu vida. Y pensás que estás bien, que no estás sola. Que tenes gente, que siempre vas a tener gente, que no importa lo que haya cambiado, la gente te va a elegir a vos, porque siempre fue así.
Y quizás con el paso del tiempo te das cuenta que no es así. Quizás hasta tus mejores amigos no te elijan a vos. Quizás la gente que te rodeaba prefirió el otro lado de la situación. La pasan mejor, se divierten más, encontraron algo que en vos no. La gente que pensaste que iba a estar con vos siempre no se gasta en defenderte, no se gasta ni siquiera en decir 'bueno, pero invitenla aunque no venga...'. La gente con la que más compartiste cosas es la misma que le esta diciendo a la persona que más te lástimo lo mucho que lo quieren. Quizás te encuentres los sábados a la noche mirando la pantalla de un monitor porque ninguno de tus amigos podía o quería salir, mientrás en realidad salían pero con otra gente. Y está bien. Es parte de la vida. 

Pero siempre, siempre siempre va a quedar alguien. Sea una persona, dos, tres. Nunca te quedas solo. Y esas personas, las que se quedaron, te eligieron a pesar de todo, y te bancan así como sos. No importa sí son pocas, no importa. Son lo que tenés, y lo que más vale. Son los únicos que se molestaron, y los únicos que probablemente tengas siempre. El resto, no importa.
Ganaste, pero no importa mucho. Me ayudaste a ver a qué gente no necesito.

You are the weak one. You'll never know love, or friendship. And i feel sorry for you. 

i don't need them and they don't need me 

She never ever saw it coming at all, she never ever saw it coming at all, she never ever saw it coming at all. 
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright, it's alright it's alright, it's alright, it's alright. Hey open wide, here comes original sin, hey open wide, here comes original sin, hey open wide, here comes original sin.
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright, it's alright, it's alright, it's alright, it's alright, it's alright, it's alright, it's alright.
No one's got it all, no one's got it all, no one's got it all.
Power to the people, we don't want it, we want pleasure and the TV's try to rape us and I guess that they're succeeding and we're going to these meetings but we're not doing any meeting and we're trying to be faithful but we're cheating, cheating, cheating.
I'm the hero of the story, don't need to be saved. I'm the hero of the story, don't need to be saved. I'm the hero of the story, don't need to be saved. I'm the hero of the story, don't need to be saved.
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright, it's alright, it's alright, it's alright, it's alright, it's alright, it's alright, it's alright.
No one's got it all, no one's got it all, no one's got it all.

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You too? I thought that no one but myself..."”

i'm sorry for breaking down when i should have been stitching myself back up.

I'm making memories with other people now. 
Better people.
i don't need you back i dont need you back i don't need you back

“You’re not a bad person for the ways you tried to kill your sadness.”

you can't treat people like shit and expect them to love you.

in a letter to my eight-year-old self i only said two things:

 i'm sorry i don't wear my socks inside out anymore & everything is different now.

And I bet he told a million people that he'd stay in touch, but all the little promises they don't mean much when there's memories to be made, and I hope you're holding hands by new year's eve.

My life is brilliant, my love is pure, I saw an angel, of that I'm sure. He smiled at me on the subway, he was with another girl, but I won't lose no sleep on that cause I've got a plan. You're beautiful. You're beautiful. You're beautiful, it's true. I saw your face in a crowded place, and I don't know what to do, cause I'll never be with you. Yes, he caught my eye as we walked on by, he could see from my face that I was flying high, and I don't think that I'll see him again but we shared a moment that will last til the end. There must be an angel with a smile on his face, when he thought up that I should be with you.
 But it's time to face the truth, I will never be with you.

do you think you miss the things you love or love the things you miss?

we only have what we remember.

I look for you in everyone.

The friends you will call extensions

of yourself the day you graduate high

school may not be the first people

you call when you get engaged.

Not all kisses will be good ones. 

Some will be wet and miss your

mouth by so much, you’ll start to

wonder if they’re looking for

something beyond you, something

your skin will never add up to.

The first time you go home with

a stranger, tell them they are

beautiful and spend the night

begging them to show you

more of their heart in between

your crescendos and releases.

When you leave in the morning

without saying goodbye, hope

they understand that it was 

for their own good.

The people you love can be

untouchable and hard and mean

when they have been hurt, but 

do not let that stop you from

breaking down their bathroom

doors and holding them together.

You will find that people often

insist that they are whole far

more when they are falling apart

inside of your arms.

It took me so long to learn that other

people are not limbs. You can hurt

for them when they break, but your

pain will not be one in the same with

their experience. Do not tell her you

“know how she feels”, tell her you

will be here when she needs to

release it.

my hands are numb and nobody's asking me if i'm okay and maybe this is a sign that i need to start asking myself that question but maybe i'll just go for a walk at 4 am with tears streaming down my face instead of feeding myself maybe i'll etch burn marks where he touched me and maybe this feeling in my chest will go away

if i never see you again i will always carry you inside, outside, on my fingertips and at brain edges and in centers, centers of what i am, of what remains.

There I was again tonight, forcing laughter, faking smiles, same old, tired, lonely place. Walls of insincerity, shifting eyes and vacancy, vanished when I saw your face. All I can say is it was enchanting to meet you. Your eyes whispered, "Have we met?" across the room, your silhouette starts to make its way to me. The playful conversation starts, counter all your quick remarks like passing notes in secrecy, and it was enchanting to meet you, all I can say is I was enchanted to meet you. This night is sparkling, don't you let it go, I'm wonder-struck, blushing all the way home I'll spend forever wondering if you knew I was enchanted to meet you. The lingering question kept me up, 2 a.m., who do you love? I wonder 'till I'm wide awake. Now I'm pacing back and forth, wishing you were at my door I'd open up and you would say 'Hey, It was enchanting to meet you'. All I know is I was enchanted to meet you. This night is flawless, don't you let it go, I'm wonder-struck, dancing around all alone I'll spend forever wondering if you knew I was enchanted to meet you. This is me praying that this was the very first page, not where the storyline ends, my thoughts will echo your name until I see you again. These are the words I held back as I was leaving too soon: I was enchanted to meet you.

What I’ve Learned:
1. A girl can lose feelings for you over night.
2. A kiss can be just that, a kiss. Completely meaningless.
3. Love can be one sided but I still wonder if that is love at all
4. Never beg for someone to stay or to love you. You shouldn’t have to beg for someone to be a part of your life or to love you. You deserve better than that.
5. Stop breaking your ribs to make space for those who do not belong there.
6. Learning to breathe again is harder than the doctors said it would be.
7. I don’t know what hurts more at night; being alone or being in love.
8. Laying with someone in bed at night is temporary. It won’t get rid of the lonely. You will still wake up and leave in the morning with a heavy heart and no hand to hold.
9. Sometimes the sky rains gasoline instead of water and you have to be strong enough and ignore the urge to set yourself on fire.
10. I will be okay someday. Bad things happen for no reason sometimes and things end but that shouldn’t mean you should come to an end too. The ocean will always have waves; I just have to learn to swim through them for a bit longer.
11. The stretch marks I left on my mother from birth will not be another suicide letter I never finished.

For a star to be born, there is one thing that must happen: a gaseous nebula must collapse. 

So collapse. 
Crumble.
This is not your destruction. 
This is your birth.

SORRY I'M SO BORING AND THAT I NEVER KNOW WHAT TO DO OR SAY AND I'M SORRY I PUSHED YOU AWAY IT'S JUST THAT I'M A MESS AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FIX MYSELF I JUST NEED TIME AND SPACE BUT I ALSO NEED YOU I'M SORRY

i wanted you from the second i saw you and so many people will think that's sweet but honestly i don't know how much longer i can live in the dust kicked up by your feet

14  things I regret

1. Carving on your name into the wall next to my bed. I think it’s driving me crazy. I wish I was rolling over to see you, not a scratched up reminder that you were here. You were here.

2. Believing you when you said you would always love me.

3. Meaning it when I said I would always love you.

4. Not kissing you long enough the night you left.

5. Kissing you at all.

6. Falling in love with you.

7. Taking so long to see that I was in love with you. Maybe if I had realized a sooner that you were it, you were everything, I could have had you a little longer.

8. Letting you be everything.

9. Giving you all of me. Every drop of blood, every tear, every 4 am phone call. I’m sorry.

10. Taking you up to the roof. I always went up there when I was sad, but now when I climb out the attic window I feel you sitting next to me which makes it all worse and the matches we used to toss to the ground have been burning my skin. I let you poison it.

11. Picking flowers for you. I killed them but you killed me.

12. Getting close with your family. I miss your mom, I hope she’s doing alright.

13. You you you

14. Nothing

i opened my heart to let you in but you were toxic and now you're under my skin and no matter how deep i cut you're in my veins and i can't get you out of my system

“Alcohol tastes better than the thought of you and her”

You're hard to hug, tough to talk to and I never fall asleep, when you're in my bed all you give me is a heartbeat. I've turned into a statue and it makes me feel depressed cause the only time you open up is when we get undressed. You don't love me, big fucking deal, I'll never tell you how I feel. You don't love me, not a big deal, I'll never tell you how I feel. It almost feels like a joke to play out the part, when you are not the starring role in someone else's heart. You know I'd rather walk alone than play a supporting role if I can't get the starring role. Sometimes I ignore you, so I feel in control cause really, I adore you and I can't leave you alone. Fed up with the fantasies, they cover what is wrong. Come on, baby, let's just get drunk, forget we don't get on. You like my dad, you get on well, I send my best regards from hell. I never sang for love, I never had a heart to mend because before the start began, I always saw the end. I wait for you to open up, to give yourself to me but nothing's ever gonna give, I'll never set you free. 

Over the line?! You-you're-you're so far past the line, that you-you can't even see the line! The line is a dot to you!  

sometimes
you break your $250 sunglasses
the day you get them

sometimes
you loose at a game
you've never been beatean at before

sometimes
the boy from whom your heart
stops when he walks by
will make up with your best friend
in the hallway

sometimes
you have to hold those tears in
because otherwise people might just ask
if you're ok
and you hate that

I AM SAD AND TIRED AND CONFUSED AND LONELY AND EVERYONE KEEPS TELLING ME THAT IT WILL GET BETTER BUT NO ONE IS TELLING ME WHEN IT WILL GET BETTER AND I WISH YOU COULD LOVE ME BUT NO ONE WANTS TO LOVE SOMEONE WHO IS SO INCREDIBLY SAD

It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the sound I heard when I was 9 and my father slammed the front door so hard behind him I swear to god it shook the whole house. For the next 3 years I watched my mother break her teeth on vodka bottles. I think she stopped breathing when he left. I think part of her died. I think he took her heart with him when he walked out. Her chest is empty, just a shattered mess or cracked ribs and depression pills.

It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s all the blood in the sink. It’s the night that I spent 12 hours in the emergency room waiting to see if my sister was going to be okay, after the boy she loved, told her he didn’t love her anymore. It’s the crying, and the fluorescent lights, and white sneakers and pale faces and shaky breaths and blood. So much blood.

It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the time that I had to stay up for two days straight with my best friend while she cried and shrieked and threw up on my bedroom floor because her boyfriend fucked his ex. I swear to god she still has tear streaks stained onto her cheeks. I think when you love someone, it never really goes away.

It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s the six weeks we had a substitute in English because our teacher was getting divorced and couldn’t handle getting out of bed. When she came she back was smiling. But her hands shook so hard when she held her coffee, you could see that something was broken inside. And sometimes when things break, you can’t fix them. Nothing ever goes back to how it was. I got an A in English that year. I think her head was always spinning too hard to read any essays.

It’s not that I don’t love you. It’s that I do.

I'm okay, really. I've got magic beans.

boys will tickle your spine with their fingers

scrape their teeth against your neck

whisper swet nothings in your ear

pinch your hips laugh in your face and say

baby you didn't mean a thing

i'm so sorry it's all my fault for falling for someone who couldn't catch me - i wanted you to hold my heart and kiss my skin but your hands are too small and your lips are sharper than razor blades

i prefer rainfall over sunshine and maybe that explains why i'd choose you over anyone else.

“He’s devastated me but he’s also made me happier than I’ve ever been.”

I'M GOOD AT NOT TALKING LOUD ENOUGH AND IGNORING PEOPLE I CARE ABOUT AND SLEEPING TOO MUCH I NEED REMINDERS TAHT YOU DON'T HATE ME ON A DAILY BASIS I WORRY YOU'LL FORGET ABOUT ME AND FIND A GIRL WITH PRETTIER EYES AND WARMER HANDS I WISH THE TASTE OF ACID IN MY MOUTH WOULD GO AWAY BUT IT'S NOT AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO IN THIS BODY ANYMORE

Do you know what's worth fighting for, when it's not worth dying for? Does it take your breath away and you feel yourself suffocating? Does the pain weigh out the pride and you look for a place to hide? Did someone break your heart inside? You're in ruins. When you're at the end of the road and you lost all sense of control and your thoughts have taken their toll when your mind breaks the spirit of your soul. Your faith walks on broken glass and the hangover doesn't pass, nothing's ever built to last, you're in ruins.
Did you try to live on your own when you burned down the house and home? Did you stand too close to the fire like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone? When it's time to live and let die and you can't get another try something inside this heart has died, you're in ruins.

And if I could be who you wanted, if i could be who you wanted all the time.

how do i tell him i want to kiss him when it feels like i've been stuck in the same spot for years? how do i tell him i think he is made of gold and diamonds if i can't seem to move from here?

You only missed my voice when nobody else called you.

You know they say when you look at someone and your pupil is widened, you look at someone you love. And here I am looking at you like I’m high on drugs. And I ask myself if you have ever noticed.

do you need someone or do you need me?

I wont be your doll, so please don't ask me to. You see I don't look so good in yellow like other dolls they do. I am not naive, I saw the way you looked at her... you don't do that for me. It must be love and we both know its not with us.

you are probably going to

break my heart and i am

definitely going to let you

Long were the nights when my days once revolved around you, counting my footsteps, praying the floor won't fall through again and my mother accused me of losing my mind but I swore I was fine. You paint me a blue sky and go back and turn it to rain and I lived in your chess game, but you changed the rules everyday. Wondering which version of you I might get on the phone tonight, well, I stopped picking up and this song is to let you know why. Dear you, I see it all now that you're gone, don't you think I was too young to be messed with? The girl in the dress cried the whole way home. I should've known. Well, maybe it's me and my blind optimism to blame or maybe it's you and your sick need to give love then take it away and you'll add my name to your long list of traitors who don't understand and I'll look back and regret how I ignored when they said run as fast as you can. Dear you, I see it all now it was wrong, don't you think nineteen's too young to be played by your dark twisted games when I loved you so? I should've known. You are an expert at sorry and keeping lines blurry, never impressed by me acing your tests, all the girls that you've run dry have tired lifeless eyes cause you've burn them out but I took your matches before fire could catch me so don't look now, i'm shining like fireworks over your sad, empty town 

i get headaches just by breathing the same air as you but i can't stop wanting to be around you.

He’ll grab your waist and whisper in your ear but six months later you’ll find yourself drunk texting him that you miss him and he won’t respond.

“I wonder how many times you’ve compared me to her.”

This love has taken it's toll on me, he said goodbye too many times before and his heart is breaking in front of me but i have no choice cause i won't say goodbye anymore.

this won't matter in a year.

I can't lie, I wanna get what I want, don't stop, give me what you've got cause I can't wait wait anymore. Don't even talk about the consequences cause right now you're the only thing that's making any sense to me and I don't give a damn what they say, what they think, cause you're the only one who's on my mind, I'll never ever let you leave me, I'll try to stop time for ever, never wanna hear you say goodbye. I feel so untouched and I want you so much that I just can't resist you, it's not enough to say that I miss you, i feel so untouched right now, need you so much, somehow I can't forget you, been going crazy from the moment I met you. And I need you so much. See you, breathe you, I want to be you, you can take time to live the way you gotta live your life, give me give me give me all of you, don't be scared, I'll see you through the loneliness of one more, don't even think about what's right or wrong, wrong or right cause in the end it's only you and me and no one else is gonna be around to answer all the questions left behind and you and I are meant to be so even if the world falls down today you've still got me to hold you up and I will never let you down.

Your absence has gone through me, like thread through a needle. everything i do is stitched with its colour. 

i found you
but you’ve found 
someone else
so i will not let you know

i’m choking on
questions like
was i foolish for 
thinking your heart 
could beat for me? 
and
am i selfish for
wishing it did?

i found you
but i know 
you are better off 
with me hiding 
in the trees

so i will not let you know.

Bored at parties, bored everywhere. Take an ambien and forget about your phone for eight hours. Dream up text message conversations that never happened because that's what you dream about now. Wake up unsure if you're in the am or the pm; sit on the counter, chug orange juice from the jug.

                  

   

                       

(ojalá nunca lean esto porque muero de vergüenza)

 Creo que no vale la pena escribir demasiado porque no se expresarme y escribo para el orto, pero bueno. Hace casi dos años entré a un lugar, un grupo de gente, buscando absolutamente nada. No pensaba ni volver después de la primera vez que fui.  Nunca pensé que iba a hacer amigos y mucho menos que iban a ser las mejores personas del mundo. Conocí varias personas en este lugar y me pelee con otras tantas. Pasé por varios 'grupos de amigos' o por lo menos de conocidos hasta llegar hasta lo que tengo ahora, y no me arrepiento de nada porque de toda la gente con la que me podría haber juntado, elegí a los mejores. 
Generalmente no me cuesta decir que quiero a la gente pero con ellos sí, y no se porqué, pero bueno, quería hacer este post para no sé, que sepan que los quiero mucho y que son lo más y que tengo la suerte de conocer personas tan geniales y espero tenerlas por mucho tiempo. 

When I saw you over there I didn't mean to stare but my mind was everywhere, I wanna know you. Gonna guess that you're the kind to say whats on your mind but you listen when I have something to show you. There's a mark above your eye you got it in July fighting for your sister's reputation. You remember people's names and valentines are lame so you'll bring you flowers just for no occasion. I wanna know you, I wanna go there where you go, I wanna find out what you know and maybe someday down the road i'll sit back and say to myself "Yeah, I thought so". 
You smile, never shout, you stand out in a crown, you make the best of every situation. Correct me if I'm wrong, you're fragile and you're strong, a beautiful and perfect combination.

If you really want something, you don’t stop for anyone or anything until you get it.

i love you
i wish you could love me back
i'm so happy that you exist

please keep telling me how much you adore me.

Settle down with me, cover me up, cuddle me in. Lie down with me and hold me in your arms aand your heart's against my chest, your lips pressed in my neck. I'm falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yet. And with a feeling I'll forget, i'm in love now, kiss me like you wanna be loved, this feels like falling in love. Settle down with me and I'll be your safety, you'll be my man,  i was made to keep your body warm but I'm cold as the wind blows so hold me in your arms. I'm falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yet.
I've been feeling everything from hate to love to lust, from lust to truth, I guess that's how I know you. 

I can’t help but hate every hand that has had the privilege of touching yours. 

please come to me soon.

Because your my object of affection, my drug of choice, my sick obsession, i want to keep you as my pet to play with and hide under my bed forever.

You see, if i'm august
    then you are early September. 
         no matter how the months fell, we would never be on the same page.

i don't know who i am or who i'm going to be or who i'm going to be 2 hours from now or how to stop the way my brain works or anything constant but i know how i feel about you and i am scared i want you to be a constant

Isn’t it strange? There are so many people out there who secretly love someone. And there are so many people out there who have no idea that someone secretly loves them.

i am waiting for things that i am certain will never happen

i hope that no one ever leaves cause i don't wanna be alone with me

She's so stupid, what the hell were you thinking?

Miserable,
miserable.
All day long
I am miserable.
My heart
it sits on a shelf
I sit on a shelf
clean the shelf
dirty shelf!
it is you, it is you!
it is you that i love
and yet i am miserable
and so I smoke.
I am miserable.

i'd like to think i'm the mess you'd wear with pride

Perhaps the fact
that I'm chasing a boy
who is ripping me to shreds
says a lot more
about me
than it does about him.

my big sister used to be my hero when she played board games with me every day during our summer vacation but now all she can say to me is you'd be a lot prettier if you wore some make up. 
my ex-best friend and i used to dream about taking over the world together but she found new friends once we started college and i was left out in the cold, alone and it has been a year but i am still waiting for her to come back to me. 
my daddy only ever tells me as long as you try your best, you will have no regrets so i am trying my best to make him proud but his response is nothing but try harder.
my mommy won't even look me in the eye anymore because her baby girl is not pretty and popular or smart and athletic, she is empty and broken, with a dash of coldness to keep everyone out of her mess of a heart.

i've become a master
at breaking my own
heart

with simple thoughts,
dreams, and hopes
that are impossible to
acheive

 things that i will never
accomplish, places
i will never go, and
people i will never be
able to love

because my mind holds
me back so very much
it makes me sad.
and frustrated.

I've been alone with you inside my mind and in my dreams I've kissed your lips a thousand times... hello, is it me you're looking for? I can see it in your eyes, I can see it in your smile, you're all I've ever wanted, and my arms are open wide cause you know just what to say and you know just what to do and I want to tell you so much, I love you. I long to see the sunlight in your hair and tell you time and time again how much I care, sometimes I feel my heart will overflow... hello, I've just got to let you know cause I wonder where you are and I wonder what you do, are you somewhere feeling lonely, or is someone loving you? Tell me how to win your heart for I haven't got a clue but let me start by saying, I love you.

What time is it where you are? back at home you feel so far, It's getting lonely living upside down, I don't even wanna be in this town, trying to figure out the time zones is making me crazy.
You say good morning when it's midnight, going out of my head alone in this bed I wake up to your sunset and it's driving me mad and my heart is so jet-lagged. What time is it where you are? 

You are the sun and moon and stars are you, and I could never run away from you. You try at working out chaotic things, and why should I believe myself, not you?It's like the world is going to end so soon, and why should I believe myself?
You, me and everything caught in the fire, I can see me drowning, caught in the fire.