14  things I regret

1. Carving on your name into the wall next to my bed. I think it’s driving me crazy. I wish I was rolling over to see you, not a scratched up reminder that you were here. You were here.

2. Believing you when you said you would always love me.

3. Meaning it when I said I would always love you.

4. Not kissing you long enough the night you left.

5. Kissing you at all.

6. Falling in love with you.

7. Taking so long to see that I was in love with you. Maybe if I had realized a sooner that you were it, you were everything, I could have had you a little longer.

8. Letting you be everything.

9. Giving you all of me. Every drop of blood, every tear, every 4 am phone call. I’m sorry.

10. Taking you up to the roof. I always went up there when I was sad, but now when I climb out the attic window I feel you sitting next to me which makes it all worse and the matches we used to toss to the ground have been burning my skin. I let you poison it.

11. Picking flowers for you. I killed them but you killed me.

12. Getting close with your family. I miss your mom, I hope she’s doing alright.

13. You you you

14. Nothing