Turn around and fix your eye in my direction so there is a connection. I can't speak, I can't make a sound to somehow capture your attention, i'm staring at perfection. Take a look at me so you can see how beautiful you are. You call me a stranger, you say i'm a danger, i'm broke and abandoned, you are an angel making all my dreams come true tonight.

I'm confident but I can't pretend I wasn't terrified to meet you, i knew you could see right through me, i saw my life flash right before my very eyes and I knew just what we'd turn into, i was hoping that you could see.

I know that I can't make you stay but I would give my final breathe to make you understand how beautiful you are.

I am my mother's child, I'll love you 'til my breathing stops
I'll love you 'til you call the cops on me
But in our darkest hours, I stumbled on a secret power
I'll find a way to be without you, babe

I still feel you, now and then
Slow like pseudo-ephedrine
When you see me, will you say I've changed?

Porque no supiste entender a mi corazo, lo que habia en el, porque no tuviste el valor de ver quien soy, porque no escuchas lo que esta tan cerca de t, solo el ruido de afuera, y yo, que estoy a un lado, desaparezco para ti.

No voy a llorar y decir que no merezco esto porque es probable que lo merezca pero no lo quiero, por eso me voy.

Yo que pensé,nunca me iría de tí, que es amor, del bueno, de toda la vida, pero hoy entendí que no hay suficiente para los dos.

don't you ever get tired of just telling people you're "fine", do you ever wonder how many people can see it in your eyes anyway?

I’m tasting gray in my mouth again. The scariest part is that my hands are shaking again and I haven’t been able to sleep so well and it’s all so scary because it’s all so familiar.

You can spend months twirling around a sun in your head and the rain can still come. But the rain only ever comes if it pours, and God, I see gray again. It’s all over and it’s in my head again.

It is a tragedy and a thunderstorm and a hurricane all in one body and it is within me while I’m trying to claw my way out.

I drift, drenched. I drift, and it’s as if I am in the midst of pouring too.

when the dreamer dies, what happens to the dream?

Week of 4/16 in Capricorn: Being unhappy isn't a choice but no one saw the world differently by rereading one book. Meet someone new.

do you remember the first time you were called annoying?
how your breath stopped short in your chest
the way the light drained from your eyes, though you knew your cheeks were ablaze
the way your throat tightened as you tried to form an argument that got lost on your tongue.
your eyes never left the floor that day.
you were 13.
you’re 20 now, and i still see the light fade from your eyes when you talk about your interests for “too long,”
apologies littering every other sentence,
words trailing off a cliff you haven’t jumped from in 7 years.
i could listen to you forever, though i know speaking for more than 3 uninterrupted minutes makes you anxious.
all i want you to know is that you deserve to be heard
for 3 minutes
for 10 minutes
for 2 hours
forever.
there will be people who cannot handle your grace, your beauty, your wisdom, your heart;
mostly because they can’t handle their own.
but you will never be
and have never been
“too much.”

what's the word for being sure being so sure someone would come back and they never do

tell us about the dream u have where u open your chest and say "i made this for u" and the person u love refuses to look back at u

why don't you wear watches anymore? give us the name of the person who you've given up on waiting for them to come back home

but i was so smart, mama, and that was the problem. the word got under my fingernails. look at her reading that difficult book - isn’t she so smart? look at the way she makes things. so talented. words come to her like lightning always finds the ground, isn’t she just a gem of a girl. going to be a doctor. 
don’t you see, mama. when things didn’t fall into my hands naturally i didn’t know how to carry them. what happens when all that inspiration dries up. what happens when my brain cuts my own tendons. what happens when i have to work to get things done. don’t you know if i’m not smart i’m worth nothing. 
i know. what happened to her, she used to shine so bright. if she just tried. she scores so well on tests, but her homework grades are what failed her in the end. she can’t talk without a shyness in her. she was so bright, so outgoing. what happened. a disappointment. she doesn’t even read that much anymore. i swear it’s like i don’t even know her.

but i was so smart, and that was the problem. i don’t know what i am now. just a husk of a would-be star, all carved out.

A lot of people ask me what my biggest fear is, or what scares me most. And I know they expect an answer like heights, or closed spaces, or people dressed like animals, but how do I tell them that when I was 17 I took a class called Relationships For Life and I learned that most people fall out of love for the same reasons they fell in it. That their lover’s once endearing stubbornness has now become refusal to compromise and their one track mind is now immaturity and their bad habits that you once adored is now money down the drain. Their spontaneity becomes reckless and irresponsible and their feet up on your dash is no longer sexy, just another distraction in your busy life.

Nothing saddens and scares me like the thought that I can become ugly to someone who once thought all the stars were in my eyes.

I am so very, very tired. 
I haven't slept in 3 years and i love you.
I am sore all over. Bruises like these don't fade and i love you. 
I'm not brave anymore. I dont want to fight and i love you.
I lost the way. Everywhere i walk looks the same and i love you. 
I can't sleep. I thought i saw you in the shadows on my wall and i love you.

You do it to yourself, you do
And that's what really hurts
Is that you do it to yourself
Just you and no one else

no quiero quererte, tengo miedo de perderte, como todo lo que tuve y que se fue. No quiero pensarte, solo vivo este presente, hoy estas con migo y mañana no se. Nada tengo, nada soy, nada pasa si no estoy, nadie llorara por mi, ni sabrán donde me fui, a quien le puede importar si estoy vivo o me morí.
No quiero quedarme soy un pajaro sin nido, soy un yuyo mal creido, soy un sueño que no fue. No puedo quererte porque nadie me enseñó, no existen los duendes, ni los besos, ni el amor.

There are a few reasons why i could never forget the day that we met. And all the days that follow.
You've changed my life. And i actully mean it. The day i first date you was the first day i stopped thinking about taking a bunch of pills and sleeping for 4 days straight. I stopped dreaming about waking up in a hospital, or not waking up at all. 
It was the day i stopped picturing razor blades in my skin. All over it. Blood. So much blood in the sink. Pain, but pain i can controll. More blood. I never had to spent 2 hours soaking in pain washing the whole bathroom at 3 a.m while i wonder if this was going to kill me soon. 
I stopped hanging around at 4 am in lonely streets wondering if someone would kill me soon. On the contrary, i would not go out unless someone would take me home safe. You made me wanna live, actually. I've never felt that on the past 19 years, i believe.
I stopped crossing streets without looking, i started taking care of myself, going to doctors. I stopped the slowly process of my death. Of the death of anyone who doesnt wanna kill herself but doesn't care enough to live.

If anything, i'm thankfull for that. You made me feel a way i never tought i could. I've always felt blue.

Someone i admire a lot says, pain is pretty hard to tank. I really don't know. I don't know if i'm like this because i've taken too much of it, or if i was born this way. Broken. I don't remember feeling happy, i don't remember anything. I just remember sad.

I just wanted to thank you for making me happy even if that's going to be over soon. I would never forget what you did for me, saving someone is really hard. But you've made it so easy. And even if/when i start to feel this way again, i'll always remember there was a time i truly felt happy. 

 you will find your light or maybe you just haven’t realized that you already have.